


Letters

by mikachan



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Angst, Letters, M/M, spillingashes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-11-02 08:44:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10940985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikachan/pseuds/mikachan
Summary: Your dearest, late lover,Ciel Phantomhive





	1. Part One

My Dearest, Sebastian,

I have written and re written this note countless times. Each time, I find that the words on the page could never be as satisfactory as intend them to be. The feelings that course through me are more than I can comprehend, and to put them onto paper is one of the most difficult challenges I have yet to overcome.

Sebastian, I cannot hide anything from you. The moment I attempt to look at you and tell a lie, the fire of your gaze paralyzes me in my tracks, and I freeze in horrible condemnation. I may pretend to loathe the horrid ambrosia of your kiss, and the way your breath is fluttering and cool against my skin… but I know you realize with abhorrent amusement how undone you make me. 

You make me into someone incapable of any dishonesty, and my most honest state of mind is when I am pressed against you, bound by your hands and by your touches. I long every hour of the day to feel you take all that I am. One day, I will have the right words. Now, it is unduly impossible to express them without acute humiliation.

If I had the luxury to say such things aloud, or better yet, to shout them without shame, I pray that I would be able to do so inexplicably and beautifully. But as I am today, and as I have been for some time, I am unable to move past the horrible weight of our secrecy.

I wish to love you as I do; unapologetic and freely, without obligation nor responsibility. But I fear that even if such a thing would be deemed acceptable in today’s societal norms, this (whatever this is) would still be wretched and unkind in its nature. Your only urge is to devour, and I am but a fickle being, hungry for some semblance of control… some illicit longing that is infinite in its reciprocation.

The lust you hold for me is of the flesh, and I am but a desperate fly eager to get himself caught in your honeyed words and sugary tongue. I am nothing if I am not your own, exclusive whore. It should be shameful, but I feel nothing if not harrowing pride, and unbearable desire.

You have ruined me, and for this I am angry. The things you bring from within me are things that should not be felt by the human heart… and although it is beautiful, it is painful. The agony is so withering that it burns from within me and eats away at my heart and my throat, clutching unwearyingly at my words and at my breath. You have made me into a monster, and because of this, I am despondent to say that I must leave this behind.

I must let it be, not only when I go, but before I let it consume me whole, and take each part of me in its clenched jaws… pulling my very soul to shreds with insatiable lust and unresolved longing. When you come to me tonight, do not slip into my sheets as you always do, but read this with intensity. See that I am absent, and let it be.

My dearest, Sebastian… I am deeply sorrowful. To love you, would be to clutch passionately to the stem of a rose. Though you are as sweet as soft as rose hip oil, you are also as malevolent as its thorns. I will bleed for you, and I will fall for you. I will anticipate my own damnation with grace and ease, yet I refuse to meet my death at the hands of my lover. 

You are my butler. I will long for you as the moon longs for the sun, and yet I cannot love you. Forget all that has happened between us, and let it be. Let me be. I will return to you in the morning as your Master, and you will dress me without tender caress. You will bathe me with coldness, not care, and if I still had a heart to hold, you would leave is broken pieces. 

Thank you for all you have done, you will receive your reward accordingly.

Your dearest, late lover,

Ciel Phantomhive


	2. Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your inimitable death,
> 
> Sebastian Michaelis

My Dearest, Ciel,

I lament to hear your sorrowful letter. Though it was not prompted of me, I feel that it is my duty to respond appropriately. Though it is utterly profound to me the way in which a human’s emotions can conspire, I cannot help but to feel both intrigued and disappointed. However, I would be ignorant to say that I am surprised. I have seen this coming for quite some time, my Ciel. My only hope is that this has not come about from a timidness.

I have never known you to be timid. You demand much of everything you own, and you demand me just the same. There is not much I can do to withhold when you beg for me so curtly. You are neither shameful nor apologetic regarding your desires, and it only pulls me into you further every time. 

You are alluring in every way, little one, and I am starving. I can only hope to taste, to touch… to feel you, if only to get a glimpse of satisfaction. I yearn for your soul, it is true… but what are you if you are not only an embodiment of it? If desires of the flesh, as you state, are shallow and narrow-minded, I feel as though I should remind you of your own depravity.

I will be eager to see if you can withhold such horrendousness from me for long, darling. I will not cease to taunt, and to tease. It is my nature, and as such, you are deserving of being the recipient of my most ugly desires. The longer you suppress this longing, the more appealing you become. I am unafraid of you. I will delight in devouring you, my little flower.

Your inimitable death,

Sebastian Michaelis


	3. Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your most obedient prey,
> 
> Ciel

Sebastian,

Your taunts have served no purpose other than to spur on this stubbornness of mine. I may yearn, but that does not mean I will sacrifice my being to the infinite ambrosia you offer me. It has been days since this has come about, you must know I notice the little ways in which you tend to touch me. I remember explicitly ordering you against this behavior, I am disappointed in your lack of control, Sebastian.

If I am to be killed by the same flesh that I desire so heavily, you may rest assured that it is your eyes, and your eyes alone that I wish to see when the light leaves my own. I have never wanted to escape this fate, as you may speculate. I only wish to regain some semblance of control. Though that may be a fickle wish, it is a wish all the same. You are too domineering, I find it hard to resist you. 

It is not unclear to me why I wish to resist you in this way. Your breath feels like a cold, rigid breeze across my skin… your kiss is like fire beneath it. You are horrendous and ugly, and I long to feel it, to worship it. I am horrible to want you so. I am depraved, and yet I cannot bring it upon myself to lament over this.

I am frightened that I am losing myself to you. What frightens me even more is that I do not seem to mind it. Your relentlessness is intriguing, Sebastian, though I must regain sight of the future, no matter how short it may be.

Your most obedient prey,

Ciel


	4. Part Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your obedient servant,
> 
> Sebastian Michaelis

My Ciel,

It has been months since I found your note in the pocket of my waistcoat. The scent that clings to you only grows stronger with each passing day. Your unwillingness to please yourself is causing you such magnificent distress. It causes your soul to both sour and sweeten with every breath you take.

You hunger for control, and yet as I watch you, it becomes clearer that you have never held any dominance, particularly over me. Do not loose sight of your place, young master. You may be the placeholder for now, but remember that I will never hesitate to consume… to bleed you until you are nothing but ash and bones. Your smell lingers even after you leave the room, I can do nothing but wait.

Your obedient servant,

Sebastian Michaelis


	5. Part Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your most regrettable lover,
> 
> Sebastian

My dearest, Ciel,

Your actions as of last night were staggering, yet not uninvited. You have done nothing but invigorate me further. My hunger has reached its peak, and so I am glad we are nearing the end. For the first time in my many years of existence, I am sorry. I have lost most semblances of control.

Your most regrettable lover,

Sebastian


	6. Part Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your most lamentable, late butler,
> 
> Sebastian Michaelis

My most wondrous, late Master,

It has been three years since your passing. I can still feel you breathing within me; an eternal flame begging to be let out… to be free. You have not changed at all, my little one. Your submission towards me was a much torrential relief. At the same time I fear that for once in my long, unimpressive life, I now feel both regret and longing. I’m afraid I had tainted you, my lord. I cannot seem to forget.

To feel your skin against mine but once more, to be able to devour longing as if it were sweet, sweet honey, were abilities I will forever miss. You have made me into something that I am not, my darling Ciel. It seems as though we have been made to whittle each other down into dust… into bones. At long last, I admit to my suffering, and surrender to the wretchedness that is your weak embrace. 

Because of you, I am nothing. You have and always will be both regrettable and satisfactory.

Congratulations, my lover. 

 

Gentlemen of the jury, I am no longer an appalling, frightful creature. There once was a boy with alabaster skin and smooth, slate hair… with soft eyelashes and warm, stormy eyes. He somehow managed to ruin me. For this, I will always be less than I am.

 

Your most lamentable, late butler,

Sebastian Michaelis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you


End file.
